Okay, a preface: Maybe some of you all have gone thru this before already ... this was new for me:
I do construction. For years, I drove around in a 1991 Ford E-350 Cargo van that was 7’ tall and had no windows and tool shelves in the back. Oh yeah, and the roof-racks. Gotta have the roof racks. And parallel park? Fugettabout! This old van had really seen better days, and here in Michigan back in December when it was 12 degrees, I was beginning to realize that I was pushing it more than I was driving it, so I decided that I needed to get something else to work in.
Next step - I checked-out craigslist and did a search for something to replace it with ... and ended up (almost on a whim) finding the cheapest dorkiest cars I could find. Hell, why not? So I sent some emails, made some calls … and lo – 45 minutes later I had negotiated myself into a 1990 Subaru Loyale Wagon with 155k on it. Bad shocks, bad battery, horrible bearings on the alternator, tires were shot, it kinda stank, even in December, but hey – a) it ran, it had heat, c) it had a (albeit meager) radio, and d) I could fold the seats down and put tools in the back.
I was golden. I gave her the $500 bucks and drove away.
License & registration was next – insurance was $1100 a year LESS than what I paid in the van. Just paid for the car twice. Sweeeet. Then came tires. $138 out the door. Did you hear that?
$138 out the door. I used to pay $200 bucks-a-smash EACH for my 16.5” Load-Range “E” van tires. Just paid for the car twice more. Battery from Sears, Alternator from Ebay, I could live with the shocks-a-rockin' for now ... but nothing prepared me for the next Monday when I 1st pulled up into work the next Monday. You should have seen the faces on the guys. Oh yeah. Uh huh. Then came the comments: things like,
- "Hey Davalos! Nice Car! Bwaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!!!! What’d you do, roll some old-lady? BaaaaaaahHAhahahahaWAAHAHAH!!!"
- "Hey, Baby! C’mere! Wanna kiss? Oooooh baby! Let’s fold those seats down & get busy in the back, Baaaaahwa ahaha!!"
- Hey, Davalos, Where’s the kid-seat? Did you have it removed? BAAAAAHWAHAHA!!!
And of course, my favorite:
- "Hey Davalos -– on the way home, pick me up some groceries! Yeah, and maybe ou should get some new panties, Bhaaaaaaaaaawahwhahahah!!"
Okay, so it took a couple weeks, but they’re starting to get used to me rolling-up in this thing, and okay, so they tell me I’m never gonna get laid for the rest of my life – yeah, whatever. But hey – keep in mind, they still all drive giant small-penis pickup trucks and giant rapist-looking vans, so maybe they won’t either. And I put $30 into my tank now instead of $150 (yeah, no kidding!), and it lasts me THREE TIMES as long, I swear! Okay, so I won’t be getting laid after pulling up on a 1st date in my rusty Subaru Loyale Wagon, ok. I get it. But hey - it’s a nice car anyway, hehe!!! I have to admit, it’s grown on me. Besides, I went from 7 mpg to 33mpg overnight, and that’s even with the check engine light on … WOW!!!
And I can get a friggin’ apartment-sized REFRIGERATOR in the back! I almost blew a nut when I found that out – holy crap!
Now, I know – you’re all tellin’ me: “OMG, Davalos! Why the HELL would you use such a great car as a work vehicle! It’s Sacrilege!!” What can I say? I didn’t know what I was getting into whe I bought it – it was just a car.
But now I think I’m becoming a convert. I admit, it’s a dorky little car as-is. But I think it has potential.
So here I am. And there she is: I'll get some better pics pretty soon here. Not much to look at now.