Loyale EA82 (non-turbo): Electrical puzzle involving horn and flasher circuit that I can't find mention of anywhere

[Loyalety]

I've searched the forum extensively but haven't found anyone with this particular issue. This '91 Loyale has been sitting for about two years. It was running fine prior to its long rest but now that the battery has been replaced and its up and running again, the following issues have cropped up:

• Turn signals don't turn on
• Hazards don't turn on
• Dash turn arrow indicators do not illuminate when flashers ought to be on
• The flasher relay is not clicking
• The 'Stop Lamp' dash light is lit (but brake lights and headlights are fine)
• Horn doesn't work

Here is what I've done to try to solve the problem:

• replaced flasher relay (no change, no power getting to the line per the test light)
• replaced all hazard/blinker bulbs (no change, still no light)
• tested all fuses in box and the four fusible links under hood (all were fine, the hazard/horn/clock fuse is fine, clock works)

I'm at a loss as to what to do next other than dig further into the dash and to trace the flasher wire back further (not fun). Prodemand is not helpful. 

Please ultimatesubaru, you're my only hope!

Edited 3 hours ago by Loyalety