The 2007 tribeca seems to have a multitude of unusual problems that no other year or model has, and this may be one of them. The car was running fine, no strange sounds or wiggles. I parked and ran into the store. Literally two minutes later I came back, put the key in the ignition, and it would not move. The steering wheel has a full range of motion, so it can't be locked. The car IS all the way in park. There is a remote start which was able to start the car after this frozen tumbler business, so it isn't dead.
I don't know if this helps either, but the brake is very stiff and won't press to the floor. (This being new with the key not turning). If I can't fix this then I can't go home for christmas (and obviously no mechanic will help till after) so any and all tips tricks or vague theories will be greatly appreciated.