1 Lucky Texan

obtw - nitrous, you should get a moderator to change your user name from e mail , some unscrupulous types might harvest it for spamming purposes.

weird - what is the history of coolant additives? was it Subaru Coolant Conditioner?

just some wild ideas..... if it 'clicked' without any noticeable reduction in power to lights or anything, I'd suspect the contacts in the solenoid. but, with the power drain, it could be anything from a shorted brake wire to a seized engine I guess....? you should be able to test all the brake lights and marker lights. If they are all good, maybe there's shorted wire in the boot from the body to the rear hatch - try starting or test brake lights with the hatch up...? you may need to charge the battery independently to do any testing. You might consider a new thread, asking for a shop recommendation near Asheville. Someone may direct you to a subaru-friendly independent mechanic.

it does seem like you could have a bad battery connection or bad battery cable. do you hear a 'click' when it fails to crank? Could be a bad starter solenoid or starter motor....

yeah, looks like corrosion at the connection and maybe up under the insulation created enough resistance to really heat up!

looks like someone on ebay is selling singles; https://www.ebay.com/itm/12oz-YIELD-Release-Agent-Penetrating-Lubricant-H2-Loosens-Rust-Instantly-New/123824283059?hash=item1cd4809db3:g:IOsAAOSwxcZc9Fu2

I feel ya on the last part - I raised 3 daughters, trying to keep them and the wife in reliable cars meant I was driving death traps all the time. I drove a 1981 (yeah, '81) Honda Civic wagon for 19 years, most of the time no a/c .

get a used Subaru axle from car-part.com . Reboot it now if you want or, put it on, watch it, re-boot the present one at your leisure if you feel it's OK inside.

without the engine running, there's no pumping action to move fluid...so, maybe there's no pressure on the clutch pack and the drive shaft is just spinning its 'side' of the plates? Still, the trans fluid might overheat 'locally'.... those instructions seem odd.

bad engine temp sensor might be telling the ECU to 'choke' the car all the time....

try driving with and without the fuse.

it isn't good for it. Causes torque bind on dry pavement. I doubt anyone can say how 'much' damage is done.

ztrain - if all 4 tires are not identical, you need to use the FWD fuse. Is the donut still on the car?

if it smells rich when cranking, try HOLDING the pedal on the floor when cranking. That signals the ECU to shut off fuel , it's the 'clear flood' condition.

if at all possible, take it to; http://superiorsoobie.com/

nowadays, I'd think parking garages would have some video surveillance...

well, even mud and wet streets have 'some' traction....just spitballin' try comparing with and without the FWD fuse in. Compare forward and reverse? maybe get a coupla helpers to video from each side to see what's spinning and what isn't? maybe spring for more ice ? lol! I dunno find a spot to do this without 'high centering' ? ;

drop the front tires onto 2 bags of ice? using a floor jack is frightening to me, what if it flipped or you drove off the pad?

without building some type of roller pads like in youtube videos --- just brainstorming some kind of test. be safe if you try something that is gonna limit steering/braking ability!

put the front tires on wet grass or soapy water, or, 2 creepers???, and see if the rear will push the car forward.

new or cleaned PCV valve 'might' slow the leak a little

kinda wondering about a pinched harness or missing ground but, I dunno temp sensor should be on the crossover pipe. Could be 1 sensor for gauge and ECU, 3pin-connector. If older style, there will be 2 sensors near ecah other, one with a single wire for the dash temp gauge, another for the ECU.

cool

uh - I might give SOA a call and ask if the recall should cover those cam area seals.

you could read some discussion here; https://www.subaruoutback.org/forums/61-general-discussions/118361-awd-system-questions.html